“We can’t lose our men like this” - Trish joins the Movember community in honour of her son Ben
Trish Lingard misses the sound of her son’s laugh.
The full-body kind of laugh that always made her only child fall to one side when he found something funny. And even when Ben grew to be 6’5”, that laugh never changed.
But her home grew quiet when Ben died by suicide in July last year at the age of 19.
“I love him as loud as I loved him when he was here. We just can't lose our men like this. We can't lose anyone… but I think men are under a very specific pressure. Historically, men have some big struggles, and we need to stop telling men to be tough and strong. And I think that is a message for all of us.”
Trish immediately channelled her grief into fundraising for Movember and in August her advocacy work was recognised when she was named the Mo Sister of the Year at the Australian Community Mo Awards.
When it comes to fundraising, Trish says it's simple: “Start where you are, right?”
“And I think that’s my message in everything, really. Let’s not get overwhelmed. It might be that you raise $50, or maybe you’re going to have a sausage sizzle with your footy club. You know what? That’s fantastic.”
In loving memory of Ben. This Movember, his mum Trish is fundraising and speaking out so other families don’t go through the same loss.
Trish is now trying to grow a moustache as part of her Movember campaign.
And if you dare chuckle at her idea, she will quickly tell you she isn't joking - though she acknowledges it may prove quite a challenge, follically speaking.
“I set my goal as growing a moustache,” she explains. “I'm not sure why you're laughing,” she adds with a wry grin.
“I think it's really exciting talking about a Growmitment because, gosh, as much as I've hated it… there's been so much growth in the last 12 months.”
Trish says talking about Ben and fundraising in his memory has helped her to try and understand Ben's death, and to begin to grieve.
“If you'd asked me if this could ever happen, I would have said ‘absolutely no way'. And I think that really describes at least the last 12 months… a lot of shock, and an inability just to process how he cannot be here anymore, and how someone like Ben can find himself in a position that his life ends that way."
Trish is fundraising with her colleagues at HWLE Lawyers this Movember, turning grief into action for men’s health.
She says Ben’s death has changed the trajectory of her life.
“It’s devastating. There really aren't any words in the English language, I don't think, to explain the feeling. There is no ripple effect from suicide. It's a tsunami.”
Trish hopes that sharing her son’s story encourages people to have the tough conversations.
“I think Ben would be happy and proud to see anything raise awareness around having discussions. I have no idea what the answer is, but I know that it's the opposite of silence. It cannot be silence. I think we have to get a little bit better at just stumbling through and saying, ‘Hey, I see you. I'm worried, I'm concerned. Do you want to have a chat?’ If you ask someone if they're okay, you have to be prepared for them to say they're not. Sometimes it can just be sitting with that person and saying, ‘I hear you. I hear what you've said. I'm here for you. I don't know the answer, but I'm right here beside you. And you don't have to walk through this alone.’”
And she says it’s those conversations that can save lives.
“It doesn't have to fix what that person is going through. But frankly, you're never going to know when the phone call, the text message, the check-in changes the course of someone's day. You will never know that. You'll only know when it doesn't happen. I think we have to not be afraid. I'm more afraid of the silence. I'm more afraid of the conversations I don't have. Give me any conversation I don't know the answer to, but at least I've got a shot. I would do anything for that conversation with Ben.”
Named Mo Sister of the Year, Trish says fundraising doesn’t have to be complicated: just start where you are.
Trish is fundraising this Movember with her colleagues at HWLE Lawyers. You can support her campaign here.
If you or someone you know needs support, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14, the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467, or Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636. In an emergency, call 000.
Full list of support services here
Sign up for Movember here
