How to help a man consider therapy

Men struggle with their mental health just as much as anyone else. The signs are worth paying attention to.

So what can you actually do? How do you encourage a man in your life to get some support? Therapy isn’t a silver bullet, but it is one of the most important tools out there. Here’s what you need to know.

The numbers on men’s mental health

The stats are a bit of a gut punch:

• Men are less likely to report mental health issues like depression or anxiety. But they’re more likely to experience the serious knock-on effects.
• Men make up 3 out of 4 suicide deaths globally.
• Nearly 1 in 10 men experience anxiety or depression on a daily basis. And that’s probably an undercount, given how many guys manage to fly under the radar.
• Men are about half as likely to seek mental health support as women.
  In Australia, 1 in 7 men will experience depression. Just over 30% of them will ask for help.
• In the US, 1 in 6 men will be diagnosed with a mental health issue. Of those, only 1 in 3 will actually get treatment.

Why men’s mental health gets brushed aside

Straight up: stigma is a big part of it.

A lot of it comes down to how men were raised. Society tells them to be tough, to hold it together, to sort things out on their own. That stuff sticks. It shows up like this:

• Being taught that emotions are “weak” or not “manly” enough.
• Needing to feel in control.
• Worrying what other people will think.
• Fear that mental health struggles could hurt their career.
• The belief that they should be able to handle everything themselves.

On top of all that, a lot of men genuinely struggle to name what they’re feeling. There’s actually a term for it: alexithymia. When you can’t identify your emotions, the idea of talking to a therapist feels even more daunting.

How to support a man’s mental health

Stigma is shifting. But that doesn’t mean the man you care about will automatically take care of himself. Here are some practical things you can do.

Walk the talk

One of the best ways to normalise therapy is to go yourself. It’s good for you, obviously. But it also gives you something real to say when you bring it up with someone else. Providing some first-hand knowledge and normalizing the experience can go a long way.

Share what it was actually like

Get into the specifics. What happened in your sessions? How did it feel? What changed? Whether therapy helped you manage depression, ease anxiety or get better at relationships, sharing the genuine experience does a lot to take the mystery out of it.

If you haven’t been yourself, see if someone your mate trusts has. A first-hand account from someone he respects can be the thing that shifts his thinking.

Arm yourself with knowledge

There are a lot of myths floating around about therapy. Knowing how to counter them helps.

Some guys assume therapy is all about lying on a couch talking about your childhood forever. In practice, therapy involves setting goals, working through specific things and tracking real progress. It’s action-oriented. You go in, you work on something, you see results.

And the benefits are real. Men who go to therapy tend to have better relationships. They perform better at work. They may even live longer. Most importantly, therapy is genuinely effective for anxiety and depression. Think of it as a gym session for your head.

Share the Therapy for Men videos

The Therapy for Men video series on Movember Conversations is worth a watch. Five short videos that cover what therapy actually is, how it can change your life, and how to access it.

Watch them yourself first, then send them to someone who might find them useful.

How to handle pushback

Don’t be put off if he resists. That’s completely normal. Be patient, and try these approaches to make the first step feel a bit less daunting.

Be honest about what you’re seeing

Stick to specifics. If you’ve noticed he’s changed, say so. If you’re worried he’s leaning on alcohol more than usual, say that too.

Use “I” language. Starting with “you” tends to put people on the defensive.
Instead of: “You never seem happy anymore.”

Try: “I’m worried you’re not as happy as you used to be. Is everything okay?”

It also helps to flag the ripple effect. Mental health challenges rarely stay contained to just one person. If it’s your partner, share how things are affecting your relationship. If he has kids, talk about what getting support could mean for them.

Pick the right moment and back him fully

Set aside proper time to talk. No distractions, no rush. Being caught off guard can make people defensive before you’ve even started.

When you do talk, make it clear you’re in his corner no matter what. A lot of men hold back because they’re worried about being judged. Knowing you’ve got his back, unconditionally, matters more than most people realise.

Remind him he’s not alone. Around 1 in 6 men experience mental health challenges every year. Struggling isn’t a character flaw. It’s part of being human.

Don’t be alarmed if your friend or loved one becomes defensive during the conversation. Keep reminding them that you care about them and want the best for them.

Listen to what’s actually holding him back

Never shame someone for not wanting to go to therapy. If he’s willing to talk about what’s putting him off, ask. A bad previous experience might be part of it.

If that’s the case, point out that finding the right therapist is a bit like finding the right personal trainer. One bad match doesn’t write off the whole thing.

Go easy on the ultimatums

Some guys end up in therapy because their partner gave them an ultimatum. It sometimes gets them through the door, but it rarely sticks.

For therapy to actually work, the person has to want to be there. If he goes in feeling pressured, his guard will be up and he’ll get very little out of it. Self-motivation is key. So if it takes time, that’s okay.

Help him take the first step

Even guys who want help can struggle with where to start. The logistics alone can feel overwhelming. There are a few practical ways you can take some of that load:

• Do the research for him. Look up therapists in his area. (Most men aren’t fussed about the gender of their therapist, but it’s worth keeping in mind.)
• Make the first call to book an appointment.
• Offer to go with him to his first session.

If it’s your partner, you could suggest going to therapy as a couple. If he’s hesitant, pitch it as a trial. Ask him to give it a few months and see what changes.

You can’t force someone to ask for help. They have to get there themselves. But with the right support behind them, a lot of guys do.

Next up: check out the Therapy for Men series at conversations.movember.com and share it with a man who could use it.

Struggling, or worried about someone else? Find support resources here.