Mental health
He won’t talk to anyone. Here are four things worth trying.
Sometimes the best conversations happen on the move.
Tactics for when the direct approach isn't going to land.
Most of us know a man like this. The one who pushes through everything, never asks for help, and looks at you sideways if you even hint at ‘talking about feelings’. Not because he doesn’t need support. But because everything he’s been taught about being a man says he shouldn’t need it.
When someone like this is struggling, how do you even broach the idea of getting help? It’s tricky. But it’s not impossible. These four approaches can shift things.
1. Create a diversion
Talking about feelings can be hard at the best of times. For the strong, silent type? Sitting across a table and being asked "so, how are you really going?" can feel like an ambush.
Here's what works better: don't make the conversation the main event. Make it a side effect of something else. A drive with a loose destination. A walk. Kicking a ball around. When you’re not face to face, and there’s something to do with your hands, the pressure drops. And when the pressure drops, real conversation has a chance to get in.
It’s worth thinking about what activity you pick. Some won't leave any space for a real conversation. If you’re both footy fans sitting in a packed crowd, you’re probably not going to get very far into the conversation. You want something that leaves room for the conversation to breathe.
2. Go first
If you want your mate to open up, try opening up yourself first. Share something real. Nothing dramatic, just honest.
“I’ve been pretty flat lately. Not sleeping great, work’s been full on. You ever get like that?”
When the topic’s already on the table, it’s a much shorter leap for someone else to add to it than to bring it up out of nowhere. It also does something just as important: it shows them this is just a normal part of a conversation, not some big dramatic moment.
This one helps both ways. Sharing something real is good for you too.
Two mates actually talking. It doesn't have to be a big deal to matter.
3. Don’t push
Opening up is a big deal for anyone. For someone who usually keeps everything locked up tight, it’s huge. So when it happens, treat it carefully.
Hold off on jumping to solutions. Don’t push for more than they’re giving you. If you can feel them pulling back, let them. Getting the conversation started is the hard part. Picking it back up next time is almost always easier.
The goal isn't one breakthrough conversation that fixes everything. You’re building something over time: a pattern where they know you’re someone safe to talk to, whenever they’re ready. Push too hard when someone’s already feeling raw and you risk sending them back behind the wall.
4. Be in their corner
If these conversations lead to your mate thinking about seeing a professional, don’t just say ‘you should do that’ and leave it there. Help make it real.
Offer to come along, or to catch up straight after. Having someone in your corner matters. It reminds them they’re not doing this alone, and it helps normalise getting support in the first place.
If you’ve seen a doctor or a psychologist or a counsellor yourself, share what it was actually like. Not a big sell, just the reality. What the waiting room’s like. What they ask. That it wasn’t as weird as you thought it'd be. Sometimes just demystifying it is enough to make the first step feel manageable.
Start here
If you’ve got a mate who won’t get help, start with the setting. Pick something you both like, side by side rather than face to face. Share something real to get the conversation going. And if they open up, even a little, don’t rush it.
You probably won’t have a break through in the first conversation. That’s fine. What you’re doing is letting them know that when they’re ready, you’ll be there. For someone who’s been carrying everything alone, that matters more than you know.
Struggling, or worried about someone else? Find support resources here.
